Clouds Over Wrigley – And Bright Spots

Back in early April, there was only one Cubs blog that didn’t presume the Cubs would run away with things, and it was this one. Somehow, I came to this conclusion without needing any stats. Imagine that! It never ceases to amaze me how people forget these are the Cubs. The words ‘Cubs’ and ‘Favorites’ don’t go together.

But alas, the stupid fucking faggots at FagCB keep plugging along. I’m beginning to think the ‘B’ in ACB stands for ‘Birthers’. These dumb hicks are as frenetically preoccupied with Al Yellon as they are with Barack Obama. And let me tell you something, hicks are good at group hate. Break out the sheets, guns, and swastikas. Swell.

At ACB, all they do is talk shit. They say racism against Asians is perfectly acceptable. At the same time, they criticize other Cubs fans for being racist against blacks and Latinos. Idiots.

John Hughes – Rest In Peace

I’ve been saying for years now that the name John Hughes belongs right along side the names Steven Spielberg, Martin Scorsese, and Francis Ford Coppola. John Hughes was a genius and he never got his due on a grand scale. Why, because he made a lot of teen movies? So what.

Take anyone age 30-40 and I guarantee you they have more lines memorized from John Hughes movies than from any of the three above. Perhaps you’ll find some guys who know Scorsese films better. But everyone knows the John Hughes movies very well, especially the dialogue.

Even stupid fucking statfags love my movies.

The Soriano Debate is Over – Dumbfucks Lose

The statfucks have always insisted that batting order doesn’t really matter, even though it does. But, they always made an exception for Soriano. They said he performs best at leadoff and should remain there.

It’s only at this blog where we learned that Soriano was accounting for more runs per plate appearance as a five hitter in Texas than he has as a leadoff man. And don’t look now, but he’s both knocking in and scoring all kinds of fucking runs from the six spot. It’s a fucking revelation. How is this possible?

Dude! Chicks like home runs even more when there are runners on base!

The Loss Column

God are the faggots at ACB (Antagonistic Cunt Bitches) stupid. They say the absolute dumbest shit you’ll ever hear. Lately, it’s something like this:

The Cubs are one better in the loss column, meaning they control their own destiny.

Jesus fucking Christ! How fucking stupid are these fucking people?

Statisically speaking, if both the Cardinals and Cubs won every game for the rest of the year, the Cubs would win the division!

Gee, really? They’d also be sitting with the 1st and 2nd best records in all of baseball, by a long shot. Gee, wow! Awesome, dude. Killer, bro. We all live in a faggot submarine.

Congratulations Mark Buehrle

I’ve lauded Mark Buehrle for a long time. While the statfucks don’t give a shit about innings pitched, durability, wins, attacking the strikezone, etc., I always have. I appreciate the Mark Buehrle’s, the Jon Lieber’s (back in the day), the Livan Hernandez’s, etc.

I love the guys who get on the hill and say, “Here’s a strike, try to hit it.”

A perfect game.

What a warrior. All this guy does is give you quality innings every fucking year. He leads his team to the World Series for its first title since 1917. In the World Series, he gets the fucking save in the critical Game Three in the fourteenth fucking inning! He had started Game 2. He already has a no hitter on the resume, back in 2007. Now a perfect game.

Mark Buehrle, you’re the shit. Rock on, dude.

The statfags hardly know the guy fucking exists. Not enough strikeouts or speed on the fastball.

Statfucks don't notice, but I'm one fuck of a pitcher.

One Game Out

Judging by most Cubs fans, you’d think the team was 10 games out of first place. They’re one game out. They haven’t played that well and are still only one out.

Statheads say stupid fucking shit like:

Duh, if the Cardinals play at a .530002918323 winning percentage the rest of the way, I project them to win like 88 games or something. So like, if the Cubs play .5355443827 ball, I think we could still take this thing with like 89 games or something.

They’re unbearably fucking stupid. I’ve said this for fucking years now. Win individual series and the rest will take care of itself. When you’re within 3 games of someone with over two months left, it’s so fucking stupid to look at winning percentages needed and projections. 3 games can disappear in 3 fucking games. Statfucks are such fucking statistical invalids. They’re simply awful mathematicians. These fucking idiots couldn’t win a fucking Bingo game even if all their numbers were called. They wouldn’t even fucking notice.

The Cubs are very much in it as are the Astros, a team that I feel is well built but the statfucks have ignored the whole season. The Brewers are in it too.

The BCB types are what they are. But the faggots at AFagBC are the dumbest fucking forms of life that have ever lived. Worthless little faggot ass bitches. Honestly… these people predict series sweeps, say the Brewers suck, the Cardinals suck, etc. Just complete idiots.

More Stathead Stupidity / The Faggot Apocalypse / Planters Heartbreak

Statheads love to fancy themselves as having superior knowledge to those who have actually succeeded in major league baseball. You know, guys like Joe Morgan, Steve Stone, and Tim McCarver. Only problem is, most statheads are stupid fucking faggots.

During the sll-star game, the dumbfucks went after Tim McCarver again. Our commander-in-chief had asked him why the NL wasn’t winning all-star games as of late. McCarver, like most people, was kind of stumped about it. He postulated that perhaps the DH rule was helping the AL hitters to focus more on hitting and the pitchers to focus solely on pitching. But, it isn’t like he stated this with conviction.

The statheads scoffed because they know the real answer. The AL is simply a better league. So, in summary:

I Like The All-Star Game Rule – (With Political Comments To Follow!)

From the blogs to radio to tv, everyone bitches about the All-Star Game rule that awards the winning league home field advantage for the World Series. Well, let me tell you something. Previous to 2003, the All-Star Game was so fucking boring it was ridiculous. I hardly even watched it. The fucking starters didn’t even watch it, showering and leaving once they had been substituted for.

Let me tell you something else. Since 2003, the game has a much more serious tone. It’s actually a competition, a real fucking baseball game, as opposed to a celebrity softball game. The players are taking it more seriously and it shows.

Some argue that for some players, those on lousy teams, it still doesn’t matter. But, that’s bullshit. These are competitors good enough to become all-stars. And god knows, competitors don’t want to fuck things up for the guys on the team that do care and have something to play for.

Yeah yeah... so I throw like a pussy. I'm still the fucking Commander-In-Chief, with more access to technologies and intel than you could ever dream of.

Milton Bradley Reaches 70 Games

If you want a baseball education, the Harvard of the baseball blog world is FagCB. Where else can you apply statistical analysis into projections systems that yield consistently exceptional results?

Maddog (aka MB21), FabCB’s patron bitch, is pretty much the dumbest fucking faggot that’s ever lived. That’s well documented. But at this point, he’s outdone himself. He’s now officially a Moron Laureate, perched high above other statfag, idiot mavens. Why, it was just this past offseason when he declared:

70 games of Milton Bradley is more valuable than a whole season of Adam Dunn.

Man, if I can just get to 70 games played, I'll have outclassed any other free agent options the Cubs had this past offseason.

Fuck man, I keep tryin', but no matter how many times I reach base, no matter how many home runs, no matter how many guys I knock in, I'm still not as valuable as 70 games of Milton Bradley. He must be one bad ass mothefucker.

What led Fagdog to this grand conclusion? A statistic called WAR, one that he obviously didn’t create and knows little about. It’s like handing the Pentagon to a bunch of chimpanzees. Well, that’s going too far. It’s like putting a chimp behind the wheel of a car racing through traffic on a busy highway.

2009 Milton Bradley:

.237/.373/.372, 6 HR, 20 RBI’s

2009 Big Donkey:

.263/.396/.535, 23 HR, 62 RBI’s

“Dying Laughing”

We can pretend that Dunn’s defensive shortcomings have made up the difference here, but then we’d be as stupid as every worthless faggot over at FagCB.

Statfags. Oh shit, there goes the planet.

The Demise of FagCB, The Worst Baseball Blog In Cyber History

(See update at bottom of post after reading.)

As if the blog wasn’t bad enough being led by a born-rich, drug addict, stat snob, leading a group of college kids. Well, it’s now official, the site has hit bottom… and it’s hilarious.

I just looked back through a week of that gay ass fucking site and guess who’s nowhere to be found? Ryno, AKA Jame Gumb. The one person with a grain of talent at the godforsaken place, the only one with a half decent sense of humor, is gone. From what I can tell, he had a little spat with his girlfriend Maddog. Maddog told him how he should think and that if he doesn’t agree, he’s a complete idiot. After all, there’s no dissent at FagCB. Now apparently, there’s no Ryno either. Have I mentioned, hilarious?

I’m not 100% on why chicken shit Ryno split. It could be that the poor fellow was so distraught over his Texas Longhorns that he simply can’t bear to follow baseball anymore. That would be in line for FagCB failure, but let’s hope for a little better from chicken shit… and that he finally realized what a fucking putz his buddy Fagdog is. Fagdog, the dumbest fucking faggot ever to tread cyberspace.

Hi, I'm FagDog. Come talk about stats with me all day! But, don't disagree!

So, what’s left of ACB? Oh, just a bunch of guys who told you the Cubs would run away with the division. Just a bunch of guys who consider Theriot and Fukudome the team’s worst liabilities… and who now lead the team in WAR, the ACB faggots’ favorite stat. Just a bunch of guys who believe Milton Bradley is due for some humanitarian awards. Just a bunch of guys who criticize “Cubs Fans” every single day of their lives while they themselves are Cubs Fans.

StatFags. Oh shit, there goes the planet.

Update: I wrote this post before seeing the post about Ryno over at FagCB. I posted it much later in the day.

Nice spin attempt by Fagdog. You’ll find the truth in what you read above. Ryno must have been sick of idiot college kids with no talent regurgitating statfag memes all day. Furthermore, I’m sure he was sick of Fagdog dictating what’s both acceptable and unacceptable in how to think about baseball.

As if that site wasn’t bad enough, it may as well now call itself ‘The Cub Reporter’ or ‘Bleed Cubbie Blue’. The only guy with a smidgen of talent is gone. Though, knowing Ryno, he probably just needed some attention and will be back soon.