Catchers – An Ode To My Dumbfuck Enemies
————— CERA ~ CS% ~ WP+PB/G ~ OPS when hitting
Geo Soto – 4.60 ~ 18.8% ~ .426 ~ .608
Koyie Hill – 3.35 ~ 40.0% ~ .491 ~ .863
Our pitching staff is over a run per game better when Koyie Hill is catching. One of you statfags out there can tell me how many more runs are created per game by a guy hitting with .255 more OPS.
Whenever Koyie’s been given a legitimate role on this team, the team has won. He isn’t blocking pitches as well this year, but look at his bat.
When we broke out of an 8 game losing streak, who was the starting catcher?
Fuck You, Statfucks
When we finally beat the fucking Dodgers in a baseball game, who was the starting catcher?
Did you know statfags have never succeeded on the baseball field?
Now, let me be clear, so I’m not misunderstood by the moronic likes of the ACB dolts and former 1060 faggots:
I do not think Koyie Hill is an MVP caliber player.
However, I cannot fucking wait for the day when a certain stat arrives. Yes, you got that right. There’s a baseball stat that’s on its way that I greatly look forward to. It’s called +/- plus/minus. They use it in basketball. It basically tracks how well a player’s team does depending on whether that player is in the game or on the bench. Some statfag named Tom Tango is working at it now.
When this stat arrives, we will learn just how superior the 2007 Cubs were when Koyie Hill was the starting catcher. We will also learn how superior the 2009 Cubs have been when Koyie Hill’s been the starting catcher. Don’t bring up 2008 because Koyie didn’t have a role. Blanco was the backup and Koyie got called up sparingly.
I’m not hating on GeoSoto. I like Soto and when he’s right, his bat is superior to Koyie Hill’s. But, I think Geo might be injured, he’s not getting the best out of our pitchers, and is punchless at the plate.
The Chicago Cubs play very well when Koyie Hill is the starting catcher. You can call it phenomenology, call it a fluke, call it whatever the fuck you want. It doesn’t change the mountain of evidence that the Chicago Cubs play well when Koyie’s catching.
Koyie, there’s at least one Cubs fan out there who understands your contribution.
Tags: geovany soto, koyie hill, tom tango
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
June 2, 2009 at 8:50 am
I’ll Ding your sich, you pseudo-intellectual pissant.
June 2, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Shut the fuck up, you stupid fucking faggot.
You couldn’t have written a more ‘pseudo-intellectual’ comment. Calling yourself Immanuel fucking Kant. I used the word phenomenology correctly, you imbecilic reject.
What the fuck is, “I’ll ding your sich?” Is that the same as, “I’ll suck your dick?” You’re a fucking idiot.
It takes your mom 9 months to take a shit. You were born out of her ass, you piece of garbage.
June 3, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Where the fuck are you now, Immanuel Kunt? Watch the fucking game tonight you pathetic, piece of shit, fucking faggot?
June 5, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Big Z’s going tonight, I’m looking forward to him turning his season around!
June 5, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Who did he throw to?
June 6, 2009 at 8:21 am
Correlation looks like this. Causation looks like *THIS*.
June 6, 2009 at 9:01 am
“It takes your mom 9 months to take a shit. You were born out of her ass, you piece of garbage.”
Boy thanks for explaining that joke. It’s so much more hilarious when you explicate your attempts at humor. Guffaw!
June 6, 2009 at 9:13 am
Mike D,
Your use of ‘Guffaw’ clearly demonstrates your superior sense of humor. Yet another shit talker who reads this blog religiously.
The second line makes the joke even funnier because of the imagery. But, you don’t really make many people laugh, do you?
June 6, 2009 at 9:28 am
Morpheus,
Don’t you statfags already have a site called Insipio?
Besides, I’m never getting into correlation vs. causation with you statfags again. You’re too fucking stupid to understand the concept. Furthermore, you wouldn’t know what *causes* and what doesn’t *CAUSE* (your faggot style) if the facts hit you over the head with a fucking brick.
Of the catchers Zambrano has thrown at least 200 plate appearance towards, his numbers are significantly at their best when throwing to Paul Bako and Koyie Hill. There’s simply no argument against this.
You can pretend catchers don’t matter all you want at your site, you stupid fucking faggot. At this site, we understand their importance. We understand winning baseball games.
I simply cannot wait until the +/- stats come out… and the catcher stats become better quantified. Then, all you stat pussies will have to reconcile with the fact that I was right yet again. It’s already happened with base running and defense.
In the meantime, get an education here:
http://badnewscubs.wordpress.com/2008/08/16/gaius-the-dumbfuck-trade-zambrano-for-melky-cabrera/
Now Morpheus, go back to pretending you’re in the Matrix, hanging out with Neo, and that anyone on the planet, including your parents, gives a fuck that you exist.
June 6, 2009 at 9:43 am
When we look about us towards external objects, and consider the operation of causes, we are never able, in a single instance, to discover any power or necessary connexion; any quality, which binds the effect to the cause, and renders the one an infallible consequence of the other. We only find, that the one does actually, in fact, follow the other. The impulse of one billiard-ball is attended with motion in the second. This is the whole that appears to the outward senses. The mind feels no sentiment or inward impression from this succession of objects: consequently, there is not, in any single, particular instance of cause and effect, any thing which can suggest the idea of power or necessary connexion.
June 7, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Deer David Hume:
TL; DR. Nice copypasta, too.
PS Milton Bradley still sux.
June 7, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Dear David Hume:
Just as this is ZORP-free zone. It’s also a DORK-free zone.
I don’t mind nerds that are actually smart and insightful. I do mind nerds that have no brains to match their helpless personalities.
Your post supports my end of things more than Morpheus’. But still, the Hume quote is akin to writing nothing, and in as nerdy a fashion as possible. It’s the kind of shit college professors have wet dreams about.
June 7, 2009 at 9:31 pm
It is indeed an Opinion strangely prevailing amongst Men, that Ballplayers, Winners, Faggots, and in a word all sensible Objects have an Existence Natural or Real, distinct from their being perceived by the Understanding. But with how great an Assurance and Acquiescence soever this Principle may be entertained in the World; yet whoever shall find in his Heart to call it in Question, may, if I mistake not, perceive it to involve a manifest Contradiction. For what are the forementioned Objects but the things we perceive by Sense, and what do we perceive besides our own Ideas or Sensations; and is it not plainly repugnant that any one of these or any Combination of them should exist unperceived?
June 7, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Berkeley/Hume, must you keep changing your IP Address? Stay the fuck out of here, will you?
Quit posting existentialist bullshit that no one wants to read.
June 7, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Morpheus,
You’re out of here, too. You’re boring and stupid.
You resort to shit talking and personal attack… while the Cubs continue to win a lot when Koyie is the starting catcher. You have no argument against it. I’m beginning to think that a big part of it is that Koyie makes the pitchers feel really comfortable. He’s so mild mannered and supportive.
For my other readers,
Morpheus left some comment along the lines of, “Mike, you’re frustrated I’m getting under your skin, huh?”
And it’s like, “Yes, Morpheus, I think you’re stupid, antagonistic and boring as all fuck. I find absolutely nothing valuable in anything you write. If I could snap my fingers and you wouldn’t post here anymore, I would.”
Call it ‘under my skin’… call it whatever the fuck you want. What you can’t call it is, “Morpheus is right… has proven Mike wrong… and it’s upsetting Mike.”
Wrong. Morpheus, you’re a nerd and a fucking idiot. If any of your discussions at Insipio were even mildly interesting, you wouldn’t be over here every fucking day. Do you see me getting involved over there?
Of course not. Though, I would really like to know who “TheHawkRules” is. Apparently, I have some sort of bad impersonator out there.
June 8, 2009 at 9:13 pm
You’re BANNING him?
You’re an autocratfaggot.
June 8, 2009 at 9:56 pm
I wish I had a banner for each Cubs site I’ve been banned from to fly on my battle flag.
PS Milton Bradley still sucks.
June 8, 2009 at 10:13 pm
I have proudly been banned from three Cubs blogs. It’s partially what led me to create my own.
Mike Dildo,
Let me make something perfectly clear to you. If someone’s going to remain at my blog, they have to either behave, be clever, or be interesting. I don’t even mind an antagonistic little faggot from time to time… so long as he’s interesting. Morpheus is a depressed little faggot who has nothing better to do than go inflict his moronic despair around the internet. He reminds me a lot of this idiot from ACB I call ‘The Defect’.
Now, let me make something else clear to you. Calling me an autocrat is like calling the owner of a car selfish. This is my fucking blog. This isn’t communism.
Xi Whang (aka ‘No’) and I don’t agree on a whole lot. But, he’s welcome anytime because he’s clever. Source and I don’t agree on stats… but he’s mannered. Luke (aka ‘Don’) and I do agree on a good many things and he’s mannered. JBrokaw is mannered and understands baseball very well. Outside of baseball, he and I don’t agree on much.
I’m an autocrat? You’re reading this blog because it’s the best Cubs blog on the internet hands down. You’re reading it because it’s mine. There is no competition that comes close. You read this site religiously and will continue to do so. Not only will you read this blog, but you’ll remain a stupid fucking faggot while you do so.
So long as I run this blog, it will not be boring. Reading Morpheus’ bullshit is like watching fucking paint dry. It’s like being on a date with fat ‘n’ ugly. I’d rather sit with a 4 year old coloring in blank outlined images with crayons than interact with your dumbfuck friend Morpheus. He’s as useless a faggot as this world has ever seen. He’s like you.
I miss Bozos. He antagonizes me. But, at least he’s funny with his ’shock the straight guy’, gay humor.
June 8, 2009 at 11:09 pm
“Faggots”, “Fags”, “Dildos”, unhealthy fixations on “catchers”, fighting feelings of rejection because you have been “banned from so many Cub blogs”, missing a dude named “Bozos” and his musings on homosexuality, etc… from one gay dude to definitely another, you, young Mikey, are a complete, unadulterated, pole-smoking, cock-riding, butt-smooching, American flag waving, good old fashioned homosexual.
Your blog is NOT boring, but mostly because of your to the death defense of your long, embarassing and horribly awkward stay in the closet. Large egos such as your own are generally the result of an enormous emotional defense apparatus. Your Amtrak wreck of a personality and blog is hilarious; take that as you will, I’m sure you would prefer to take it in the pooper.
Seriously, let your guard down; your pants, and the boys, will surely follow. Oh, and spare me the “fuck you’s”, etc… save it for when I see you in boy’s town, junior.
June 9, 2009 at 4:52 am
morpheus, you should know better than to challenge a rhetorical genius. Bad News Mike used to fuck guys like you in prison, then read some Kierkegaard.
Koyie Hill has a .599 OPS in his last 12 games. The Cubs are a sparkling 6-6 in those 12 games. VINDICATION!
June 9, 2009 at 6:27 am
Big Gay Al,
Nicely done. As with Bozos, at least you have personality.
But sorry, I simply don’t have interest in having sex with men. If I did, I would. I’m definitely hard up for women, and always will be. But, nice try.
American flag waving? When have I ever written anything jingoistic? Al, I believe you’re the one who’s at my blog waving the Rainbow Flag.
I think you’re a little late to the party. I just about never call homosexuals faggots unless I’m teasing a friend.
And for the future, there’s nothing more boring than a fag calling a straight guy a closet case… given that all gay men want to think everyone is gay. They have a rumor out on just about everyone. You of all people should know what I’m talking about. I’ve always said, “Gays are like Jews. They want to think everyone is one of their own.”
So, hopefully you can come up with more than, “Mike’s a closet case.” You do have personality. And I for one wish there were more queens in the blog world. And once again, god knows, if I had any interest in sex with a man, I’d have been swimming in men by now. There’s no defense mechanism. Sorry.
June 9, 2009 at 6:35 am
RV,
How fucking stupid are you? Unable to count?
When Soto was out in April and Koyie started each game, the Cubs went 4-1. Starting in late May, as his starts have increased, the Cubs have gone 4-0 in his starts.
Overall in 2009, when Koyie starts, the team is 10-5. Is counting generally this difficult for you?
Seriously, how fucking dumb are all the majority idiots out there who challenge me on this? Since 2007, every time the Cubs have given Koyie Hill a significant stretch of starts, the team has performed extremely well. This is why I can’t wait for the +/- stat. It’s going to shut all you idiots the fuck up.
June 9, 2009 at 6:38 am
Furthermore, RV, since you think a catcher’s sole function is to hit, why don’t you enlighten all of us with statistics on the pitchers’ performances when Koyie’s been catching? Or, are you too stupid?
Big Fag Al… let me make something perfectly clear for you. RV is a worthless fucking faggot. And I can say ‘fag’ all the fuck I want. It will never stop you or RV from reading the best Cubs blog on the internet. There’s simply no competition. Try and name a better Cubs blog.
June 9, 2009 at 6:54 am
I’m editor-in-chief of the finest Cubs blog in existence.
June 9, 2009 at 7:05 am
If you’re so brilliant, Mike, why don’t you develop your own +/- stat? I’d love to see your methodology.
June 9, 2009 at 7:11 am
I should also point out that +/- is now considered mostly useless in evaluating basketball players.
June 9, 2009 at 7:12 am
Also, since I’m addicted to the best Cubs blog on the InterWebs and because I’m sure you’ll appreciate it, here’s a study that disproves catcher’s ERA. I’d say there’s more thought put into it than your own specious reasoning of why Koyie Hill is more useful than Geovany Soto. If you’d like to refute the results of this study without calling the author a dork-fag, I’d be interested.
http://www.baseballprospectus.com/article.php?articleid=1489
June 9, 2009 at 7:28 am
You can call it existentialist bullshit, call it epistemological or ontological skepticism, call it whatever the fuck you want. It doesn’t change the mountain of evidence that there’s a massive transcendental gulf between the phenomenal and the noumenal.
June 9, 2009 at 8:04 am
“There’s simply no competition. Try and name a better Cubs blog.”
There’s HJE and there’s Desipio.. They’re ok. I’m more of a fan of League of Her Own and firedustybaker2.com. Those are the shit, man
June 9, 2009 at 9:50 am
HAHA, this shit just keeps getting more and more entertaining. I always love how these guys come over here to try and be the moral police by telling you not to say faggot. Then when one of them says “orange chicken”, not one of them says a fucking word. I truly can’t get enough of these morons, they really make me laugh.
June 9, 2009 at 10:11 am
Where do they get the nerve to speak of my buddy Kap like that?
Thanks for the heads up, Luk. I dare these dudes to even try to stalk us over at the ChiNo.
Really. Seriously. Double-dog dare.
June 9, 2009 at 7:08 pm
T. Lehman,
Don’t be such an idiot.
How about the difference between a team’s total run differential when a given player is on the field/in the lineup/on the hill… and when the given player is on the bench. Is this so hard for people like you? Happy?
Is this some perfect, all-encompassing stat? No, but like many stats it tells a part of the story. The problem with statfags is that they’re like the character in that awful indie-flick, Pi, always looking for the perfect equation, perfect stat… to make sense of everything. This is why ZORP, WAR, and Fag Shares is so stupid. People aren’t wins. People aren’t teams.
Saying the Cubs play well when Koyie starts is NOT to say that he alone is leading the offense or that he alone makes a pitcher’s throwing motion function better. It’s simply a part of the story and an interesting one. The Cubs play well when Koyie is the starting catcher. There’s loads of evidence for it. Statfags should consider evidence, and, you know, statistics. But they don’t… unless it comes from Bill James or some uber-dork who posts at Fag Graphs.
If Bill James were here, he would tell you stupid fucking idiots… “Indeed, the Cubs play well when Koyie Hill is the starting catcher.”
Meanwhile, statfags have dissected the sport so badly into ‘derivatives’ that they can’t even talk about the sport it-fucking-self anymore. Statfags don’t know how to field. They don’t know how to hit. They just talk shit about arcane bullshit.
Oh, and one other thing, Lehman Sisters. Nice copout pussy phrase:
“I should also point out that +/- is now considered mostly useless in evaluating basketball players.”
I just love pussy shit like this. First, I like how ‘it’s considered’. By who? Next, I like your use of ‘mostly’. You can’t stand behind your shit. You shoot from the hip and protect yourself just in case. You have no conviction and need an argumentative escape hatch.
Once again, it’s not the whole story, it’s part of it. It’s also in the story, a part of it.
June 9, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Hey all you queers, sorry I’m late.
So uh, yay, the Cubs won. That’s good.
But my favorite player, Milton Bradley, went OH FOR FUCKING SIX when every other position player save Theriot got a hit. Yeah, baby. He’s now hitting .208 and we’ve got 2.5 more seasons of this.
If he were white the fans would have done a Todd Hundley or Kyle Farnsworth n his fucking ass by now, so don’t give me this “Oh, Cubs fans and Chicago media are racist” bullshit.
June 9, 2009 at 11:31 pm
PS your retarded cousin over at ACB wrote up a spirited defense of another ram-rodded non-white Cubbie, good ol’ Sammy Sosa, who never ever did steroids never, no sir, nuh-huh.
One of his points is that Sandberg went from 8 to 18 homers and no one accused him. Are you fucking serious, asshole? Of course, you can’t ask him that because you’ll get banned over there for disagreeing.
Oh, and shitheels? New Glarus Spotted Cow is shit. Their IPA is far better. Dumb fuckin’ FIBs.
June 10, 2009 at 6:36 am
Hey,
They’re not my fucking cousins over there.
Don’t get me started on Sammy Sosa.
Anyone who’s worked out at a gym for a significant period of time knows who’s juicing and who isn’t. It’s not rocket science. You don’t see pictures pre-90’s of hulking figures of men. You simply don’t. Athletes look very different today – MLB, NFL, and NBA.
Plus, those idiots cannot accept the fact that steroids absolutely DO help you hit a baseball and hit it further. Barry Bonds said they dramatically helped his eyesight. Once you factor in eyesight, then you think more about the extra ten feet on your deep flies. Give me a break.
The ACB dolts are so hilariously defiant when it comes to asserting their own stupidity.
And for the record, I’m not judging Sammy on his Hall eligibility. I’m simply stating the obvious, Sammy used.
June 10, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Mike Says:
“You don’t see pictures pre-90’s of hulking figures of men. You simply don’t.”
Did somebody say hulk?
http://tinyurl.com/2to8el
June 11, 2009 at 8:59 pm
None of these fucking juicers belong in the Hall. Maybe they can take their ill-gotten millions and build their own.
As for this: *Plus, those idiots cannot accept the fact that steroids absolutely DO help you hit a baseball and hit it further. Barry Bonds said they dramatically helped his eyesight. Once you factor in eyesight, then you think more about the extra ten feet on your deep flies. Give me a break.*
Also, the fact that you can get around on a ball that much quicker and your opposite field shots go farther because you are stronger and can fight those pitches off better. I knew something was wrong in baseball when opposite field shots went up dramatically.
June 11, 2009 at 10:12 pm
The most amazing opposite field shots came from Mike Piazza. I’ve never seen a guy who could start his swing so late, but still punish the hell out of the fucking ball.