The Objective Stat Freaks Jump Off A Bridge

I’ve already made the proclamation that no stat freak can ever utter the words ’small sample size’ again. The reason being that their emotions spike and plummet so dramatically with every win and loss that they’re the furthest things from objective and rational. Seeing that the Cubs have lost 5 in a row, there are health issues with Z and Harden, and the offense is ice cold, you can only imagine the statfags’ feelings at the moment. Maybe, “I can’t bear to watch another game”? Or perhaps, “Forget it, I’m done with this team”? Is there a DFA in order? Perhaps they feel there’s no way Harden should be brought back next season.

Let’s keep in mind that Z might be fine in a couple weeks, healthy and rested. Harden may also be fine. The offense will come around. But in the minds of our resident ZORP fag scientists, it’s panic time.

Is this leadership?

We have a presidential race going on in this country right now. Can you imagine if either candidate acted like a stat fag? What would the economy look like if every time it slumped, the government panicked and said it’s giving up. What if after 9/11, the stat fags wanted to DFA all military intelligence operations? What would be left of our country if every time a single thing goes wrong, these morons showed no fortitude, faith, and perseverance? The answer is obvious: nothing.

Having absolutely no patience is not my idea of leadership. Especially when ’sample sizes’ are so small, it’s astonishing when those who use ’sample size’ as a weapon so often… demonstrate no perspective on its meaning.

Can you imagine having a stat fag as a teammate? Can you imagine if you were in a slump, knowing that the 24 other guys on the team think you should be off the team immediately? Do you think this team would win with everyone paranoid of each other? Of course not. These stat freaks aren’t men… they’re faggots.

If you were opposing a team of stat fags, it would be so easy to win. All you’d need is patience. Even if they were winning a contest against your team, you’d tell your club to hold on until the first slice of momentum is in your favor. At that point, the faggots will self-destruct. Game over.

To all the stat fag readers, take your stupid fucking ZORP and shove it up your asses. You guys don’t know what it means to succeed with a group of other people. You don’t know what it means to persevere through hard times with a focus on the goal ahead. To you morons, this is all a ‘narrative’. A narrative with which you’ve never succeeded. The only thing you faggots succeed at is talking shit, hyperbole, and inaccurate forecasting.

Which computerized system had the D-Rays in first in September? Not a single fucking one, you morons.

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Tags: Chicago Cubs, presidential race, stat fags

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