Existence Fail – MB21 and ACB

It was bad enough when the stupid fucking Milton Bradley worshipper learned only recently that the baseball may have been juiced in 1987. Of course, this blog broke down the issue back in 2007. These morons always take my views on things 2 years late, after having criticized them in the first place.

It was bad enough that the moron-in-chief recently wrote yet another lengthy statistical examination that led him to a conclusion such as, “You know, if some of the Cubs players play really well, they could actually be very good.” Really? Other versions include, “There’s a chance this team could be really bad.” Eureka. He and Shawn D. Goldman both enlighten the world with such stunning intellectual achievements. “The Cubs could finish with 78 wins… or even as high as 90 wins.” Unbelievable insight!

But now, this flaming fucking imbecile has outdone himself. He’s proclaiming his great baseball insight. Specifically, he knows for certain that he knows baseball so much better than Paul Sullivan, Steve Stone, and many other baseball insiders.

MB21, Chief Disciple of Milton Bradley, has never forecasted Cubs performance with any accuracy whatsoever. Not a single fucking thing. Absolutely wretched. When you compare his blog with mine here, going back to 2007, it is an absolute no contest. I’ve been way ahead of the curve on almost everything. Anyone who wants to argue that ought to go read through the history.

The stat snobs think that because Bill James and other stat mavens have done some good relevant work, that they as students can simply start adding up ZWAR and Fag Shares and decide who’s good at baseball. MB21 hasn’t the first idea what skill sets make for good baseball players at various positions. His only anti-skill so far as I can tell is to criticize players that he perceives Cubs fans as really liking… while praising players he perceives Cubs fans to hate. Very objective and scientific.

In this moron’s world, Mark Grace sucked and Rich Harden is the best pitcher on earth.

God, what a worthless fucking bitch. Stupid fucking cunt faggot. Idiot. The dumbest motherfucker on the face of the Earth. MB21 is so fucking stupid, he makes Paul Sullivan look like a baseball master.

Willie D – Greatest Rapper of All Time

Man, I was just about to write an ode to the greatest rapper of all time, Willie D. But at the last second, I decided to Google him first to see if there was anything new in his world. I almost wish I hadn’t.

My boy is headed to jail, and for a long time. God I hate fraud, especially when it’s anonymous and at great distance. It’s so cowardly. But alas, in a ‘gangsta rap’ world riddled with phonies, at the very least, this will serve to legitimize Willie D as a true thug.

On the flip side, it reminds me of Ice-T’s great rhetorical question, “How low will a brother go for a dollar?” And yet, Willie D never got his due, his payday, unlike contemporaries such as NWA, Ice Cube, 2 Live Crue, etc.. It makes me sad that he went to such criminal lengths for 132K fucking dollars.

Still, lock him up. Anyone committing fraud needs to be locked the fuck up.

Anyway, despite all criminality, Willie D will forever remain the greatest rapper of all time. He’s the most entertaining. The guy’s fucking hilarious and his records could be sold as comedy as well as ‘rap / social commentary’.

College Football – The BS Championship

God, what a pathetic game.

Texas lost their quarterback immediately. ‘Bama opened up a huge half-time lead, thanks to their running game and Texas’ shocked state of mind. Texas couldn’t do shit offensively because their ‘true freshman’ backup qb looked like some random high school kid who may or may not play football.

Then, in the second half, this same backup qb gained some confidence and showed nerve and talent. So much so that he made ‘Bama’s qb look like a high school kid. McElroy is a fucking joke. Is he celebrating his handoffs today? Texas clawed back to within 3 points with 5 minutes to play.

Am I missing something here? Am I supposed to think ‘Bama’s a champion? Are you fucking serious?

They should have won this game by 25-35 points. Because the game was as close as it was late, Texas fans will argue their team is better. But, that kind of hypothetical doesn’t work. ‘Bama was playing very conservatively in the 2nd half because of their lead and the opposing qb. If McCoy was in the game, the game is simply different, period. Texas fans can, however, take solace in the fact that they’ve got a good young qb.

The larger point in all this is the same one I’ve been making for the last couple months. Neither of these teams is superior to Boise St. There’s no way in hell to make that argument and the BS Championship proved it. Am I saying Boise St. would for certain defeat ‘Bama/Texas/Florida? Absolutely not. However, would ‘Bama/Texas/Florida for certain defeat Boise St.? Hell fuck no. That is now painfully obvious.

(Side Note: I nearly spit out my breakfast the other day when fagdog actually did make an argument for his favorite Rush album, as if a good Rush album exists. Un-fucking-believably funny.)

A DAP To My Boy, Source For Sports

Hey Source,

Great comment you left awhile back about Boise. Sorry I didn’t respond until now.

You and I clearly share the same views on this team. They played an excellent TCU team last night and won. These are both very good football teams, and both can definitely hold their own against Alabama, Texas, and Florida. Anyone who doesn’t think so is, as you so eloquently put it, ‘ACB Stupid’.

(Speaking of which, what kind of fucking idiot puts Omar Vizquel on the front of a fucking Cubs blog? Are you fucking serious? Unbelievable. Don’t get me wrong, I love Omar Vizquel and have been on record that he’s a first ballot hall of famer in my book. But, with all the photoshop shit we have today, those idiots can’t find a way to put a fucking Cubs player on their fucking home screen? Christ, those imbeciles get dumber by the fucking day. I can just picture Brainy Smurf, aka the Mercurial Faggot, Shawn D., and Fagdog debating which Rush albums are best. Rush, the worst fucking band in rock history.)

Anyway, for the fans, here’s a sick ass jam from the 80’s:

And coming soon, a dedication to the greatest rapper of all time, the one and only Willie D. From 5th Ward to Acres Homes, the greatest there ever was. Who else could pen, “I Wanna Fuck Your Mama”?

Steve Smith – My New Favorite NFL Player

Greatest Interview In Sports History:

Off the fuckin’ hook.

It’s similar to this blog. Other blogs talk shit, but there’s no competition. Let’s establish the rules and regulations of who’s what in the Cubs blogosphere:

Bad News Cubs

Bottom Line.

You’re welcome.

Milton Bradley – What Everyone’s Missing

If you look around the baseball media and blog worlds, everyone’s missing the real story with the Bradley trade. Especially the stupid fucking statfucks, who are bitching and moaning (what they do best) about Carlos Silva.

This deal has little to do with Carlos Silva. The media wants you to think, “Hey, maybe he’ll find that ol’ sinking fastball that he had in Minnesota!” Most likely not, unless Z is a Venezuelan osmosis master.

Everyone seems to have forgotten what happened at the Ricketts’ initial press conference:

At one point, Todd Ricketts answered a delicately worded question about dumping the $21 million owed to Milton Bradley, looking at Jim Hendry and saying, “I think Jim knows way better than to do that, though.”

That’s the story here. More than anything else, Jim Hendry was ordered not to pay another team for fielding Bradley. So, while Carlos Silva isn’t exciting any Cubs fans out there, the bigger story is that the Cubs gained financially in having another team field Bradley.

Caption-

Milton, “Goodbye, motherfucker. It’s sushi, coffee, and OBP time for me. Stay fat and stupid.” (WordPress’ image upload feature isn’t working properly. It won’t center and include a caption.)

Bad News Cubs – The Screen Adaptation

It’s often said that “imitation is the highest form of flattery”. Well, we all know that Ryno at GGU quotes me on a daily basis. But recently, he went above and beyond. The motherfucker is now making films of my prose. Jesus, does the guy need me to send him an autographed fucking picture?

The good news is, because the words are mine, the mini films are funny as fuck:

Off The Fucking Hook Films

I suggest watching all of them that include me.

After watching them, and you realize how fucking classic they are, ask yourself the following question. Is there any other blogger out there who can be quoted like this, and enjoyed time and time again? Of course not. Every Cubs blogger other than myself is a worthless, pussy ass faggot.

I’ve always said that I like Chickenshit Ryno’s sense of humor, his only redeeming quality. It’s just a shame he’s such a pussy. He’s also the world’s biggest U. of Texas fanboy. Christ, send the guy a topless photo of Dolt McCoy and he’ll have his second favorite piece of paraphernalia, second only to the afore mentioned autographed picture of me.

Ryno, do you jerk off every night, thinking of UT? What a fucking homer. I hate homerism. I like to see the best team win and that will never change. I’d like my team to be the best team, of course. But, I don’t make irrational arguments to make myself feel like my team is the greatest. Dumbfuck Ryno would have you believe the Longhorns could take out the fucking Colts and the Saints.

Ryno, say ‘hi’ and congratulate your new dyke mayor for me. I’m sure she has more manhood and integrity than you or any of your faggot friends at GGU.

College Football – The BS BCS

I cannot fucking believe they have Boise St. and TCU going at it. What a joke, and what a bunch of pussies, the BS BCS.

Aw, poor BCS… scared what would happen if Boise and TCU knocked off Cincy, Florida, Georgia Tech, or Iowa? Stupid bitches.

It’s so obvious why they did this. No matter what happens in this game, the BCS protects themselves. The loser of the game will now look bad because they lost to a mid-major. Meanwhile, the winner only beat a mid-major. Very fucking clever.

No one wants to see David fight David. We want David vs. Goliath. Only, the BCS is afraid to confront the fact that Goliath is Goliath in perception only, in old boy network, monopolistic perception. They don’t want the curtain pulled back so the country discovers that Boise and TCU could hold their own against ‘Bama, Texas, Florida, Cincy, Iowa, etc. I know with certainty that Boise could hold their own against Ala-fucking-bama. I do not hesitate to say that. I’m not saying they’d win, but they’d easily belong in the stadium with the Tide.

Tiger Woods – I’m Outraged At The Outrage

So, we learn that Tiger’s doing what any other guy who’s young, has game, and locked in a marriage does. Big fucking deal.

When will this farce called marriage end? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Two people can only have physical interest in each other for so long. Especially men, or at least those of us with confidence, we ache to screw something else not too long after having settled with one girl. It’s only the low self-esteem losers at ACB who are so desperate that they marry at age 23 who fall victim to the ridiculous fairly tale, that one finds a ’soul mate’ and lives ‘happily ever after’. They may as well be women. Actually, they’re even worse than some women, who have modernized and aren’t psychologically locked into anachronistic fairy tales.

Longterm sexual monogamy is just so fucking stupid and unrealistic. And when someone doesn’t live up to it, which is an enormous percentage of the population, we judge the person and not the idiotic conditions they’re living in? Stupid.

I love my family, sincerely. But, a man needs to fuck other women too. A woman will need to fuck other men. Big fucking deal.

A Thanksgiving Message

Let’s all be thankful for this blog, hands down the greatest on the internet.

This blog is the most informative and entertaining. Try to name a blog that competes in either capacity. You can’t.

You’re welcome.