Jake Fox Must Play

Aramis will be playing third unless he starts hitting like Soriano. Fox can’t play middle infield and he can’t play catcher well enough. DLee’s certainly doing the job at first.

This means Jake Fox must play the outfield. He isn’t going to be the center fielder. So, the Cubs have a problem, given that Milton Bradley’s in right and Soriano’s in left. Plus, while Milton can in theory play center, Fukudome’s been leading off for us. Not to mention, Milton would probably get injured in five minutes playing center field.

Put me in, coach. I'm ready to play, today. Look at me, I can hit like a motherfucker.

Like I already said, the Cubs have a problem. Jake Fox is way too good of a hitter to be sitting on the bench. It isn’t like the Cubs have been scoring runs in bunches all season long so his production is very much needed. Dude can seriously hit. And speaking of ’serious’, everyone knows how serious I am about defense. But, a bat like Fox’s must find its way into the lineup, NL or not. It isn’t like Soriano’s some great defender.

I really don’t know what the Cubs are going to do. Soriano and Bradley can’t be traded. It’s unlikely that Fukudome can, should, or would be traded.

This season is still a long way from over and the Cubs are very much in it. I’d hate for Fox to get traded for relief help, something we do need. His bat is simply too valuable. He’s proving day in and day out that he can hit major league pitching and his AAA numbers were no fluke.

Anyone got any ideas?

An Offense Goes As Its Leadoff Man Goes

I’ve said it a thousand times to the statfucks, but they never listen:

An offense goes as its leadoff man goes.

I’m going to start by addressing the idiot readers first. This isn’t a post saying that Sam Fuld is an “MVP”. It’s not some myopic, premature excitement because the Cubs have suddenly won two whole games in a row. Last night’s four runs were not what anyone would call a major offensive explosion. Now, read on.

Consider me the least surprised Cubs fan that we’ve won two straight since leadoff man A of the .296 on-base % was benched in favor of leadoff man B who has gotten on base 6 times out of his first 10 plate appearances. More importantly, in the first two games for leadoff man B, he got on base in the first inning both times. I cannot stress enough the importance of this. Oh gee, what a shock, we scored first in both games and left the first inning with a lead.

Statfags shoot loads in their pants when I homer five times in a week. It's cool, because then they overlook it when I go a month without producing jack shit. By the way, where was that pitch anyway? I thought it was in the zone?

Use Your Fucking Eyes, StatFucks

Statheads evaluate fucking everything except for what actually happens on the field. They keep waiting for Milton Bradley’s mean reversion as if it’s a statistical certainty.

They’re not ’seeing’ what’s happening. Milty’s eye is as good as ever. He lays off some really borderline balls that a lot of guys would swing at. His on-base percentage is definitely on the rise. He’s got a terrific eye in the mold of DLee, Frank Thomas, Mark Grace, and other guys we’ve seen in Chi-Town.

Want to know what’s wrong with Milty? He’s fucking way late on fastballs, especially when hitting lefty. I’ve SEEN it. You can throw this guy a 90 mph fastball straight down broadway right now and he’s late. I don’t know if it’s injury or what, but the bat is not popping. I’ve seen him miss some pitches that should get tagged.

Look at his splits:

As a lefty: .661 OPS
As a righty: .877 OPS

Even as a righty, I’m seeing fastballs get hit to right field.

His numbers against power pitchers are terrible. His numbers in innings 7-9 are terrible. His numbers get worse when you move from there being 0 outs to 1 out to 2 outs. His ‘late and close’ numbers are terrible. It’s just bad all around.

I think he might be hurt. He’s simply not quick to the ball with his bat.

I’m still hoping he gets it turned around. I like Milty. But, I’ll tell you this. If he does find his groove, it won’t be because of a fucking mean reversion… it won’t be because Paul Sullivan disappeared or Cubs fans suddenly got less racist…

It’ll be because he gets healthy and finds his old bat speed. Watch the fucking games, statheads.

I really need to quicken my trigger.

Hey StatFucks, Let’s Play ‘Livan Vs. Harden’!

I’ve taken endless abuse from idiot faggot statfucks over the following:

1) I believe defense is very significant for a baseball team.
2) I believe baserunning is very significant for a baseball team.
3) I believe that leaky catchers really hurt a baseball team.
4) I believe, er, I know for a fact and have observed, the Cubs have played very well when Koyie Hill has been given a legitimate number of starts.
5) I believe the ‘Innings Pitches’ statistic is very important for a starting pitcher and therefore, an entire team’s rotation.
5) I believe Livan Hernandez has a knack for winning baseball games and has been one of the most valuable pitchers of the last 12 years or so. I don’t know how to look it up, but I bet if you went back to 1998 and moved forward, you wouldn’t find any starting pitcher with more innings pitches. Maybe one, I don’t know.

Name a 2008 starting pitcher who wasn’t under team draft control that won 13 games and earned $5 million or less. There might be one, but not many. I can tell you that Livan Hernandez did it.

Statfags say I'm worthless, even though I just keep winning games at bargain basement prices.

Statfags say I'm due to win loads of games once my babip evens out and, uh, you know, if I ever fucking play.

Hilarious

Why would a pitcher ever throw a pitch inside to Soriano? The guy only has the quickest bat on Earth. Instead, If you throw the ball so far outside that it lands in the visiting dugout, he’ll still swing at it… and miss.

I didn’t see today’s game and only watched the quick recap at Cubs.com. The one thing that stood out to me was the location on the pitch to Sori. The catcher even set up inside. Do these people not have scouting reports? Sure Thornton’s a lefty… so he won’t be throwing a slider away from Sori. But then all he needs to do is locate a fastball away.

Anyway, it’s nice that the Cubs stopped the bleeding for a day… and I’m happy for Soriano. I’m happy for DLee and Soto too. Thank god DLee’s come back around. We all love D-Rock and want to see him do well. Earlier this season, it seemed like he might have nothing left. But, when he’s hitting home runs to right field, you know he’s right. Let’s hope it continues.

Thank god it wasn't a slider away from a right hander.

A Big Gay Post By Big Fag Mike

Here’s a post dedicated to the ‘white moral police’, hypocritical idiots of the world. Read this and get it through your fucking heads:

Mike has nothing against homosexuals. Mike calls straight guys ‘faggots’.

Image Taken From Big Gay Al's Ass

Is this that difficult to comprehend? For my gay readers, the only one I called ‘fag’ was some ‘Big Gay Al’ guy and that’s because he’s a tired old queen, a fag. (laughing)

Catchers – An Ode To My Dumbfuck Enemies

————— CERA ~ CS% ~ WP+PB/G ~ OPS when hitting

Geo Soto – 4.60 ~ 18.8% ~ .426 ~ .608
Koyie Hill – 3.35 ~ 40.0% ~ .491 ~ .863

Our pitching staff is over a run per game better when Koyie Hill is catching. One of you statfags out there can tell me how many more runs are created per game by a guy hitting with .255 more OPS.

Whenever Koyie’s been given a legitimate role on this team, the team has won. He isn’t blocking pitches as well this year, but look at his bat.

When we broke out of an 8 game losing streak, who was the starting catcher?

Fuck You, Statfucks

When we finally beat the fucking Dodgers in a baseball game, who was the starting catcher?

Did you know statfags have never succeeded on the baseball field?

Now, let me be clear, so I’m not misunderstood by the moronic likes of the ACB dolts and former 1060 faggots:

I do not think Koyie Hill is an MVP caliber player.

However, I cannot fucking wait for the day when a certain stat arrives. Yes, you got that right. There’s a baseball stat that’s on its way that I greatly look forward to. It’s called +/- plus/minus. They use it in basketball. It basically tracks how well a player’s team does depending on whether that player is in the game or on the bench. Some statfag named Tom Tango is working at it now.

When this stat arrives, we will learn just how superior the 2007 Cubs were when Koyie Hill was the starting catcher. We will also learn how superior the 2009 Cubs have been when Koyie Hill’s been the starting catcher. Don’t bring up 2008 because Koyie didn’t have a role. Blanco was the backup and Koyie got called up sparingly.

I’m not hating on GeoSoto. I like Soto and when he’s right, his bat is superior to Koyie Hill’s. But, I think Geo might be injured, he’s not getting the best out of our pitchers, and is punchless at the plate.

The Chicago Cubs play very well when Koyie Hill is the starting catcher. You can call it phenomenology, call it a fluke, call it whatever the fuck you want. It doesn’t change the mountain of evidence that the Chicago Cubs play well when Koyie’s catching.

Koyie, there’s at least one Cubs fan out there who understands your contribution.

Jesus – Poor Randy Wells / Paul Sullivan

Randy Wells - Off The Motherfuckin' Hook

Despite the obligatory rookie pink backpack, all he’s done is produce:

5/8 – At Milwaukee – 5 IP 0 ER
5/16 – Houston – 6 IP 0 ER
5/23 – At San Diego – 7 IP 3 ER
5/28 – LA Dodge – 7 IP 2 ER

That’s an ERA of 1.80. Dude should have 4 wins, but instead, has jack shit and a lifetime membership to ACB. In other words, jack shit.

C’mon Cubs, get this dude a win.

The Cubs offense is hurting. It doesn’t help when your leadoff man has an obp of .314. It doesn’t help when Derrek Lee keeps showing that he may have lost more than a step. I’m still hoping for signs that he’ll show real life again. Aramis is out. Uncle Milty still hasn’t heated up. GeoSoto is a shadow of his 2008 self. Miles and Fontenot aren’t contributing much.

I believe the offense will turn around. But it ain’t pretty at the moment. When your leadoff man and two hitter lead your team in RBI’s, something is seriously wrong.

* * *

But why focus on the offense? I think it’s a better use of adult life to obsess over Paul Sullivan on a daily basis. That’s what the un-merry band of faggots over at GGU do everyday. Hours and hours of adult life spent on Paul Sullivan. Unfuckingbelievable.

Last year, it was Ryan Theriot. This year, it’s Paul Sullivan.

Nothing like a mutual hate target for a bunch of rabid hick faggots. Dumbest faggots on the face of the earth over at GGU.

The Morons At ACB Plotting Against Paul Sullivan - With A Truck

Hi, I'm The Little Faggot On The Prarie, And The Object Of Hick Scorn

The hicks are truly unbelievable. They’ve built this huge racist conspiracy against Paul Sullivan because of Milton Bradley, whom they’ve deemed Mother Theresa. They presume others have hate agendas like they do. Here’s Sullivan on Uncle Milty in yesterday’s Ask Paul:

Actually I was very much in favor of the acquisition of Milton Bradley, though I wish they had also kept DeRosa. When Bradley is hitting, he’s one of the best in the game in terms of OBP and OPS, with power from both sides. He will hit, trust me. And I don’t think he was necessarily blaming the umps for his slump. He was upset they weren’t giving him fair strike zone since the Vanover incident. I tend to agree with him.

Let’s face it, they already don’t like him, and yet he constantly argues and tells them where the pitches are, knowing it will hurt him. But he does take responsibility for his early slump. Last week in St. Louis, Bradley said “I’m the main culprit.” He’s right, and he owned up to it.

Want to know where to find the dumbest hicks who have ever lived? ACB.

Hey Look, It’s Statfag War!

Want to know the most important stat-du-jour for statfags?

WAR.

Want to know where to find it?

Faggraphs.com

Want to know which Cubs players the statfags said had to be replaced this offseason?

Hi, Statfag Say I Suck

Hi, I'm Better At Baseball Than Every Statfag On Earth

Want to know which players lead the team in WAR?

Hi, I Read Team In War!

Look Maddog, You Fucking Idiot, I'm Better Than A AAA Shortstop! You're Not!

Denver Nuggets – As Dumb As StatFags

Quick B-Ball post. There has never been a team in NBA Conference Finals history so incapable of inbounding a fucking ball as these 2009 Denver Nuggets. They’ve now failed to execute this most simple exercise twice in the final minute of a Conference Final game. Unfuckingbelievable.

Trevor Ariza - Taking advantage of what idiots these Nuggets are.

Yes, there were the Pistons who failed against the Celts. Thanks, Larry Bird. And yes, that Pistons team had the lead if memory serves. But still, this is simply inexcusable. There was another play tonight in the third quarter where Denver gave away an inbounds pass that led to a Lakers breakaway score.

I generally cheer for the underdog in sports when I’m not cheering for a Chicago team. At the same team, I do like the best team to win. The Nuggets are definitely the underdog, but they’re also clearly not the best team. Want to know why? They can’t inbound a fucking ball safely.

Unreal. I now want the Lakers to win the next two and eliminate these idiots who can’t inbound a ball. These Nuggets are as stupid as a fucking statfag.