For Dumbfuck Statheads, Theriot’s .400 OBP Clogs The Bases

These stat freaks are so abominably stupid. Let’s examine one of their great contradictions. Statheads think both of the following:

1. Dusty Baker is a complete idiot for thinking walks clog the bases.

2. Ryan Theriot’s .400 obp is worthless because he has a low slugging percentage. Furthermore, he’s clearly the worst baseball player in the history of the major leagues.

So, what conclusion can we draw when we add these two together? For these stat fag imbeciles, Theriot’s fine obp, setting the table for DLee and Aramis, is horrible because it’s mostly made of singles and walks. The only conclusion to draw is that Theriot must be clogging the bases.

God, why don’t these people quit while they’re ahead? Theriot has now scored 27 runs on the year. That puts him squarely on pace for 100 on the season. God, what a horrible quality in a player.

Why don’t these people stick to what they’re good at, tipping cows, drinking Zima, and driving F-150’s? Since when do hicks fancy themselves scientists and statisticians? Unbelievable.

Though, I don’t know who’s worse, them or the the crowd at the Baseball Fag Factory. Those are the Michael Stipe-listening to indie film white guilt pansies who kiss women’s asses. You tell me what’s worse, fucking your cousin or a a malodorous girl with messy hair and funny glasses?

Tough call. At least the hicks have passion. I give them the edge.

The Michael Stipe listeners include those queens at firejoemorgan.com, the queens who write that bullshit ‘The Office’. I guarantee they’re the losers who ruin LA traffic. These morons come to a complete stop any time a highway curves or goes uphill. Yet, they think they’re going to outclass Joe Morgan on a baseball field. I’ll tell you what they’ll do… lease a BMW and drive like a faggot… and entertain other faggots like themselves with white bread humor. You don’t see Joe Morgan claiming to be an expert on Halsted.

Revisiting The RBI And Its Relevance

The statheads have taught us what an irrelevant stat the RBI is. They say it’s so team dependent, despite the fact that many top RBI men each year play for teams with an average-to-lousy offense. Well, why don’t we take a look at this year so far?

Josh Hamilton leads the majors with 37 RBI’s and plays for the league average Texas Rangers offense.

David Wright shares the sixth highest total, 28 RBI’s, representing the below average New York Mets offense. He has as many RBI’s as Conor Jackson, David Ortiz, Chase Utley, and Kevin Youkilis. How’s that possible!?! The other guys play for teams in the top four for runs scored. This can’t be happening! RBI’s are team dependent!

Justin Morneau’s tied in the seventh spot with Mark Reynolds (Arizona - top offense) and Miguel Tejada (Houston - top ten). Minnesota has a lousy offense… so something isn’t right here. Maybe some dumb ass queens have miscalculated their gospel. No way!

Would you like to know who has the worst offense thus far in the majors? The San Diego Padres. Want to know who shares the 8th highest RBI total in the land? Adrian Gonzalez. But, it’s team dependent.

Going down another tier to 24 RBI’s, is that Vernon Wells of the lousy Blue Jay offense? Sure is. Casey Blake of the sub par Indians offense? You betcha. Another Met, Ryan Church? Yup. B.J. Upton of the average D-Ray offense? Indeed.

Now, hold on a second. These guys have the same number of RBI’s, 24, as Manny Ramirez of the high-powered Boston attack? Manny must get WAY more opportunities than those guys. His team has a better offense!

* * *

The moral of the story is… a majority of the shit that statheads think is idiotic bullshit. These guys have become a culture much like liberal arts college professors. No one outside of academia gives a fuck what they think and their work has no value to anyone. Likewise, no one cares what bullshit statheads come up with except for other statfags.

But, when you’re as abominably stupid as this loser motherfucker, you can find company in cyberland. You can find other guys who weren’t good at sports, yet feel a need to demonstrate superiority to the athletes themselves.

Laughing… Livan’s on his way to what he always does… 200 innings. He’s already a quarter of the way there.

What kind of idiot dumbfuck wouldn’t want Livan in his rotation? What kind of moron doesn’t like 200 innings? Honestly… Dan Szymborski must be the single dumbest faggot stathead in all of America. Maddog will be disappointed to find himself a close second. He’s the genius who showed us all that the Cubs lost the Michael Barrett trade… using WARP 3.2!

Unbelievable how fucking stupid these rejects are.

* * *

Now, back to a stat that actually matters, RBI’s… and in its better form… runs + RBI’s. Let’s take a look at our Cubbies shall we?

D-Rock - 55
Aramis - 47
GeoSoto - 40
DeRosa - 39
Fukudome - 36
Ronny - 32
Theriot - 31
Johnson - 28
Soriano - 21

Looks about right to me. Anyone care to argue these rankings? The only argument I’d make is the overall impact Fukudome’s had. His approach really seems to have rubbed off on the team. That’s bigger than the numbers.

But, I ask you once again. For this year thus far, does any stat head care to argue these offensive rankings for much further?

See… I didn’t even need to make up stupid shit like ZORP 4.1 to do it, either! Dumb fucking queen statheads.

Offensive Explosion Upon Soriano’s Return

Thank god the ZORP heads have urged us all that Soriano must lead off. The offense functions greatest with he at the top. And Ryan Theriot’s the worst player in the history of any sport ever!!!!

How do these idiots think this way? How’s it even possible?

The Cubs have gone from 7.36 runs per game to 4.5 since the return of the mighty Sori. Want to know one reason beyond Sori? Aramis Ramirez. He actually makes a difference in the offense. We tend to score a lot less when he’s out of the lineup. When Sori’s gone, we do better.

Meanwhile, Theriot’s obp still hovers around .390. Just horrible.

Why don’t these stathead losers just call it a day already? Not a single fucking one of them knew Colorado was headed anywhere. As a matter of fact, when I was praising the Cubs’ D last year, one predictable stathead dumbfuck quasi-maven named Gaius Marius argued the Cubs’d D actually wasn’t so good. He was more impressed with Colorado’s defense, yet mentioned this as evidence for the insignificance of defense. Colorado’s record wasn’t so great at the time. As a matter of fact of fact, their record wasn’t so hot until September. What a flaming imbecile. To entrench himself socially, he had this caveman buffoon out of the Geico commercials named Newman to attack all dissenters.

The statheads have taught us that defense doesn’t matter, the manager doesn’t matter, lineups don’t matter unless they involve Soriano, leadoff men don’t matter, any reliever can close… it goes on and on. I mean, just how fucking stupid are these people.

Those sorry fucking writers for ‘The Office’ should quit writing their shit, bland, white frat boy, lame ass humor for a tv show… kill their stupid site… and write ‘firethestatheads.com’. They’re probably the pussies around LA who drive 60 in the left hand lane and come to complete stops every time the highway turns or goes uphill. Ego of Mario Andretti… courage of a pussy. Sacha Baron Cohen Borat exposed all these modern wannabe humorists for the shit that they are. I can’t believe I live in a world where people think Will Ferrell, Jim Carrey, Arrested Development, and The Office are worth shit. To top it off, one of these show’s writers think they know how to win baseball games better than Joe Morgan.

I didn’t predict Colorado was going anywhere either… and it’s called humility. Foreign to the intellectually invalid nerds who think ZORP’s decide the standings. Loser queens.

What I do know is that you win with a leadoff man with an obp over .350. You have an ace, but after that… you want healthy arms. You have a closer who can handle the ninth. You have defense up the middle. This is a fucking baseball team. Always has been, always will. Yet, these dumbfucks think they’ve built a better mousetrap with WARP5.2. They think a baseball team is the latest fucking Microsoft Software upgrade.

The FireJoeMorgan queens, the ACB queens, the BTF queens… all these girls couldn’t hold court at any given public basketball court if their lives depended on it. They couldn’t hit an 85 mph slider to save their own lives. They couldn’t catch a routine fly off the bat of Ryan Theriot for a million dollars.

They’re complete and utter idiots. All their science is going to do is point them closer and closer to convention. Fuck… in today’s world, that will land one of these twats a fucking Emmy.

The Cubs In Soriano’s Absence

In the 14 games without Alfonso Soriano, the Chicago Cubs scored 103 runs. That means 7.36 runs per game. In contrast to this, the Red Sox are averaging 4.53 runs per game thus far this season. Last season’s Yankees with their 968 runs? 5.98 runs per game.

Thank god we have statheads to tell us this can’t happen. It didn’t really happen, it’s impossible. We lost so much ZORP without Sori and even worse, Ryan Theriot’s playing. Ryan Theriot and his .855 OPS is clearly the worst baseball player in the history of the game. I mean, he’s even worse than Koyie Hill at hitting!

This is how statheads think. They are the dumbest forms of life on earth.

Hey statheads, here’s news for you. If Soriano wasn’t playing, the Cubs would have scored more runs tonight. (Look how they cringe at reading this… impossible!) An offense goes as its leadoff man goes… and Soriano’s pathetic obp so far this year isn’t cutting it.

But then again, what can you expect from the dumbest fucking hicks on earth?

Let’s examine one particular rock chalk jay hick, Maddog:

If you’ve received a massive inheritance and your wife’s a lawyer, wouldn’t you take some of this money and leisure and travel the world? Wouldn’t you pursue interests?

Not a dumb hick. A dumb hick will instead fancy himself a restaurateur but nevertheless spend every minute of his life at Cubs blogs. We’re talking hours a day. Successful restaurateurs watch every goddamn penny coming in and out of their restaurants. In Chicago, go ask Richard Melman if he could have built his Lettuce Entertain You empire if he had pored over hundreds of comments at Bleed Cubbie Blue each day.

Ask Richard Melman if he had time to hang out with college kids online, playing the role of baseball knowledge snob… ridiculing those not as sophisticated in the ways of useless shit like ZORP.

I went into the ACB chat room recently… incognito. It’s unbelievable! I’m all these guys talk about! It’s hilarious! I write posts here from time to time to amuse myself and others. It’s so much fun to fuck with these petty little imbeciles. But, I certainly don’t spend hours and hours of my time on hating Ryan Theriot and other Cubs bloggers.

It’s just so sad, how hick these people are. This guy’s poor wife. Can you imagine… you’re an attorney and spend your days around educated people. Meanwhile, you live with the sadness of knowing your husband spends every minute of each day on some goddamn baseball blogs? He goes around all day calling other people ‘insane’? Uy, that poor woman. Perhaps I should take it easy on the guy. If nothing else, for the sake of his poor wife. But then again, maybe she enables it.

Anyway, as much as I feel a great joy writing about those twats, I’ll be getting back to more Cubs related offerings soon. I’m still concerned for the rotation. Kerry Wood’s looking awfully shaky. And the offense won’t function as well with Sori back. I really liked having Theriot, DeRosa, Johnson, and Ronny (yes, 2008, Ronny the Revelation, all serious looking) in the lineup each day. It felt like a real baseball team instead of a bunch of long ball loonies.

An Interview With An ACB Contributor

I recently had the special privilege of meeting with an ACB regular to conduct an interview. While nothing new was discovered, it was nevertheless fascinating.

The Hawk: Hello and thank you for taking the time.

ACB Moron: Sure, the Cubs are pretty much my life.

The Hawk: Well, then let’s just start off from there. I want to get this straight. You’re an adult male who spends at least two hours per day of your waking life complaining about a baseball player, Ryan Theriot. Is this correct?

ACB Moron: (Chucking) Well, I never thought of it in those terms. But yeah, I guess that’s true. I guess that’s kind of sad. But, I’m no bandwagon Cubs fan. I’m a real fan.

The Hawk: Can you elaborate any further on this? You really spend two hours a day bitching about a baseball player who’s currently carrying a .406 OBP and a .871 OPS?

ACB Moron: Well, yes, I do spend that much time on this subject every single day without exception. But, it’s more complicated than it appears. You see, it’s a combination of things. You TheHawk praise Theriot, I can’t think for myself, and we at ACB don’t really know what the fuck we’re talking about… we just like to talk shit. So, we simply play contrarian to whatever you say. When you add that all up, you find an adult male who spends hours and hours of his life complaining about a productive baseball player’s inadequacies.

The Hawk: I see. So, if I were to praise Derrek Lee’s defense, you’d find fault with it?

ACB Moron: Well, not quite. You see, Derrek Lee has a lot of ZORP’s, the most important quality in a baseball player. If you have ZORP’s, you’re praiseworthy, period. Now last year, when Derrek Lee wasn’t hitting home runs, he was pretty much useless despite a good OBP and good Slugging %. He even had a fair amount of ZORP’s, but here’s the thing. Baseball’s all about home runs for hitters and strikeouts for pitchers. If a hitter isn’t hitting home runs, he’s useless and should be traded or cut in favor of a replacement level player. The defense part is pretty much irrelevant.

So, to answer your question, I couldn’t really find fault with Derrek Lee’s defense this year because he’s carrying a lot of ZORP/DORK 2.2viii. The defense isn’t so important. At most, the entire team defense, let alone one player, will affect a team’s win/loss record by one or two games per year anyway.

The same thing goes for managers. At most, they affect one or two games a year. Take Dusty Baker for example. The fact that he’s putting Corey Patterson at leadoff for the Reds could only really affect a game or two the whole season. It doesn’t really matter.

The Hawk: Well, and that brings up an important point. Complete loser idiots such as yourself insist that batting order doesn’t really matter. Is this correct?

ACB Moron: That’s correct. Well, let me qualify that. Once again, it can only really affect a game or two per year.

The Hawk: Okay, then please explain this to me. Why do you hick rejects like yourself, Maddog, Dylan, and the others cry rivers for hours a day if Soriano’s not leading off?

ACB Moron: I don’t understand the question. Bear in mind, I’m dumb as fuck.

The Hawk: Well, on the one hand, you’re saying that batting orders don’t really matter for the success of an offense. On the other hand, if a lineup isn’t to your liking, you go absolutely ballistic.

ACB Moron: (Chuckling) Hey, what can I say? What did the philosopher say, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes!”

The Hawk: You might be ‘large’ from McDonald’s and Coors, but you sound positively stupid as fuck.

ACB Moron: I know, I know. Okay, next question.

The Hawk: Not so fast. Last year, the Cubs offense scored more runs per game when Ryan Theriot, your arch nemesis was leading off than when Alfonso Soriano did. Explain.

ACB Moron: $%^$#%&$@%^@$ (Spastic Cornholio convulsions) Impossible. Impossible. I refuse to accept this data!

The Hawk: Answer the question. If batting order doesn’t matter, why obsess over it?

ACB Moron: Fuck man, take it easy. I don’t know. I guess I just don’t have anything better to do.

The Hawk: Obviously. Okay, fair enough.

ACB Moron: Hey, Maddog does it! And he’s learned A LOT about stats. He can show you that acquiring Jason Kendall was one of Hendry’s best moves.

I really follow the Cubs to talk shit. I wasn’t very good at baseball and this is my way of feeling better than the athletes.

The Hawk: Of course. Okay, moving along. This spring, you idiots spent hours and hours of your lives complaining about Brian Roberts, a Baltimore Oriole, not a Cub.

ACB Moron: Yeah, but there were a lot of rumors that he was going to be a Cub. When you spend as much time on the Cubs as I do everyday, you can run out of things to talk shit about. Therefore, we sometimes talk about rumors, things that never happen, as much as we do the games and moves that actually have happened. Brian Roberts was really close to happening. The rumors were everywhere.

The Hawk: Do you know Jim Hendry personally? Or, do you know Andy MacPhail, or Peter Angelos personally?

ACB Moron: Look, sometimes the blogs know what’s going to happen before the mainstream media. It’s awesome! We’re more important than the media. We’re really a part of the team.

The Hawk: Do you know Jim Hendry, Andy MacPahil, or Peter Angelos personally?

ACB Moron: Okay, okay, geez. No, I don’t. But, Maddog knows a guy who’s like a minor league scout in the Cubs organization… or some such thing. This guy REALLY knows baseball and is on the inside. He can tell you that Michael Barrett’s a great catcher. You just don’t get insight like that in the media. You need the blogs.

The Hawk: So, harkening back to the Theriot phenomenon, you spent hours of your life complaining about the possibility of a quality leadoff man, Roberts, with a lefty bat coming to the Cubs?

ACB Moron: Yes sir. Sorry, but it’s true.

The Hawk: Brian Roberts has a career obp over .350, steals a lot of bases, and carries a good stolen base percentage. Are these qualities you despise in a player?

ACB Moron: Look, OBP is SO overrated. It’s all about ZORP’s and home runs. Ever since that Moneyball book came out, a lot of idiot fans think the goal of an offense is to have a lot of OBP. But, it doesn’t really matter. You need power and power only. And it doesn’t matter where you are the lineup.

The Hawk: Except for Soriano, right?

ACB Moron: Right.

The Hawk: And lineup construction doesn’t matter, right?

ACB Moron: Right.

The Hawk: Well, you’re so fucking dumb, I don’t have time for much more of this right now. However, would you be open to more interviews here in the future?

ACB Moron: Well, I’m obsessed with you and read every single word you write… so of course I’m available. I mean, it upsets Maddog how you’re always the subject of conversation, but I think that’s kind of hypocritical because you’re all he talks about also.

The Hawk: I’d hate to get between the two of you. So, go back to your daily quota of complaining about Ryan Theriot and I’ll be in touch.

ACB Moron: Did I do good? I mean, I’ve never been interviewed like this. Was I smart or interesting?

The Hawk: You are what you are, a dumb hick talking shit. It came across perfectly.

ACB Moron: I guess that’s a good thing. Thanks.

Ryno, don’t you think it’s high time you admitted you prefer reading my blog to anything anyone else writes at ACB? Don’t worry, the truth won’t hurt your ‘relationship’ with Maddog.

I Don’t Recognize This Team

They’re patient at the plate. The rotation’s coming around. The bullpen’s excellent, and the D has tightened up. There’s a nice balance of youth and experience. The bench is deep with more help at AAA if necessary. We’ve got a great manager. Who are these guys? They’re certainly not a Cubs team.

I’m so pleased with our current play that I’ll just leave it at that… and leave the rest of this post to sharing some feelings I have for the folks over at ACB. The Cubs are providing so much fun… so I’ll just follow suit.

What a collection of idiot hicks over there. These cow-tipping Slipknot fans think they’re sophisticated in their acid-washed jeans, sipping Zima’s. They remind me of these cheerleader girls who beat up single girls as a pack. They love their group think group hate. “Haze until death do us part.” These girls are like a collective marriage.

CCD can’t keep my name out of his mouth. What a girl. He harps on me like he’s jilted, as Maddog did for so long… until it became too grating for him… myself, always the subject of conversation amongst the juvenile klan. These guys truly have their feelings hurt. It’s hilarious. At least Ryno has been consistently funny since he dropped the potty humor. At least he has fun with the whole thing. I’ve been cruising that site a few times lately and it absolutely kills me. I’m STILL all they talk about. Unbelievable. These hicks must really miss lynching. These imbeciles must long for the confederacy. They’re obsessed with their collective social ranks, like good little frat boys/girls. “Save your Confederate money, the hicks will rise again.”

What a bunch of idiots. Can’t you guys at least come up with something clever? Is Ryno the only one capable? You read every single word I write. Haven’t you at least taken notes? It might help you remember how stupid you are.

I love talking shit about those dumb motherfuckers who think they’ve figured out baseball. It’s so much fun.

My finest moment —> No finer poetry has ever been written:

“These cow-tipping Slipknot fans may as well be playing Dungeons & Fucking Dragons with their useless stats.”

Nothing like Slipknot and Zima. That should be your site’s slogan. But, you’re too big a group of pussies to put it up. And what ever happened to “Dumb Hicks Talking Shit”? Wear it like a badge of honor… it’s who you are.

Though, I don’t know who’s worse… you guys or the pansies at Baseball Think Factory. Those are the white guilt nerds who unsuccessfully attempt to woo women with their sensitive sides, bitter at how it never works. I think the two sites should square off in a contest… The worst right wingers vs. the worst left wingers. The winners will get a prize from me. An award of valor… for still not knowing jack shit about baseball. Queens for a day. Like you, CCD. Don’t you just hate how much you enjoyed reading this?

Thank God For Another Cubs Blog

You know, without ACB, Cubs fans would have nowhere else to learn that Ryan Theriot, along with his .893 OPS and steady glove, is the single worst shortstop in the major leagues. Plus, they wouldn’t get their daily soap opera reading such as this.

What the fuck is this?:

First, like this title says, I do not hate Ryan Theriot. I don’t know the man. I’ve never met him. As far as I know he could be the greatest guy on earth. I don’t know. And I don’t care. The ability to hate a ballplayer means you also have the ability to love one and I think most of us would find that to be rather foolish. I think I’ve made it clear here for the last few years that I don’t think enough about any of these ballplayers to have much of an opinion about them other than what they do on the baseball field. I don’t care how these people live their lives. I don’t care how they treat others. I don’t care about anything other than how they play this game and help this team win games.

What the fuck is this, Oprah? I’m dying laughing! I mean seriously… what the fuck are these people on? From drug addict to ‘Cubs as Soap Opera’ addict?

As is obvious, I haven’t been blogging much of late. That’s because the Cubs don’t consume my entire being. They certainly aren’t my life like they are for some others. Why does this guy go into so much semantics and sociology over the Cubs? Is this like his version of Jane Austin or something? What an idiot. What a girl. Seriously, he writes about Theriot like he’s writing fucking ‘Sense and Sensibility’.

God, I haven’t visited that site in ages… and I come back to read that he’s really flown off the handle. It’s pretty funny actually. The lengths people will go to for their defense mechanisms. Maddog, I think this would suffice, “Perhaps I’m wrong about Theriot and he’s not as bad as I pretend him to be.” Idiot. God is it funny.

Aren’t statheads the kings of sample size? And yet, Theriot earned complete condemnation after two weeks:

The point is that you don’t have to hate the guy (Theriot) to know he’s not very good at baseball. Anybody who has gotten the impression I hate this man simply has not read much of what I have said here. I hope he does well. I won’t hold my breath waiting for it, but I really do.

.893 OPS and steady glove… just terrible. Of course, even though two weeks was enough to call Theriot the worst shortstop in baseball, Maddog will counter all this with, you guessed it, ’sample size’. “Well, the .893 is only through April 20.” No shit, Sherlock. Just like it’s no shit that Theriot is what he is, a good ball player. He’s no all star, no hall of famer, but you’re also not going to get better production from ‘any replacement level player’. God are you and your frat buddies fucking stupid. Theriot helps his teams win and it’s something you morons will never understand. You imbeciles only understand home runs and strikeouts. For you guys, a hit and run is like fucking quantum mechanics.

* * *

All these dumb fucking statheads are surprised the Cubs are scoring well despite Soriano’s injury:

With Soriano out and Fukudome taking today off because of a cyst above his eye, you’d think the Cubs offense would have trouble scoring runs. Baseball is a funny game.

Once again, thank god for ACB. Without them, we might actually learn the Cubs scored more runs per game with Theriot leading off last year than with Soriano.

* * *

I will say this. Last I knew, ACB was preoccupied with three subjects: Brian Roberts’ sucking, Ryan Theriot sucking, and yours truly. At least they’re down to one, Ryan Theriot sucking. Who knows, maybe they’ll truly make progress and realize they have absolutely no idea what the fuck they’re talking about… that all they really are in the end… is all they ever have been… Dumb Hicks Talking Shit.

* * *

Well, let me end on a positive note instead of simply a humorous one. Thank god for JBrokaw. Otherwise, I would think every other Cubs blogger in existence is an utterly hopeless imbecile.

JBrokaw, can you believe the Cubs’ current 1-8 hitters are all carrying OBP’s over .350? Are pigs flying around Wrigley field? Have they smuggled in impostors, incognito, to take over the Cubs starting lineup?

Cubbies Look Good Thus Far, But Have Rotation Concerns

As I mentioned last year, the Cubs have won only one series against the Phillies since 2002. They own us. We may as well wave the white flag before each game. Last year, we were fortunate to actually split one series. We were lucky to escape last weekend with one victory.

* * *

The two biggest bright spots so far are definitely Kosuke Fukudome and DLee’s revitalized bat. Fukudome seems to do everything well. He hits, walks, runs, catches, throws… everything. It’s a pleasure to watch this guy play. I just wish we had him in the two spot. Is that patience I see from a Cubs hitter? Eureka.

With the pop back in DLee’s bat, it’s a seriously good sign for our club. DLee with power is one of the best hitters in the National League, period. He’s really easy to cheer for. He’s a good guy, his daughter has that terrible Leber’s Congenital Amaurosis (our hearts go out), and he’s steady as a rock. Derrek Lee is one of the greatest Chicago Cubs of all time… and gets a standing O.

I’ve sometimes wondered if we should trade him for lefty pop while Lee still has solid value. With the return of his power, I’m sure glad he’s still with us. God knows he’s a terrific first baseman.

* * *

Henry Blanco looks like shit behind the plate, as he has for a couple years now. I think he’s been injured a lot and it’s taken a toll. I simply can’t imagine being a catcher and having a neck injury.

It’s well documented how much flack I took last year for being a fan of Koyie Hill’s stabilizing presence behind the plate… and I’ll tell you this, I’d much rather have him backing up Soto than Henry. I like Henry, but his best years may be behind him.

* * *

It’s amazing how the girls in statland cry about Ryan Theriot. They think he’s the most awful player in mlb history and clearly the worst shortstop in baseball. Meanwhile, they cry that Soriano must be our leadoff man and that our offense has serious problems without him. Well, let’s do an exercise like last year:

2008 Ryan Theriot:

66 PA’s - .354 OBP .778 OPS 3 RBI’s 8 Runs (a 9th one as of the 3rd inning today)

2008 Alfonso Soriano

61 PA’s - .230 OBP .528 OPS 5 RBI’s 7 Runs

Honestly, what drugs are they on? What’s the difference in salary? Look at this shit:

The Theriot Files was wildly successful when I first began the series after Ryan Theriot was inserted into the leadoff spot. I said at that time I’d keep posting something about Theriot every day until he was removed from the leadoff spot and the next day he was. This time I’m going to run this series until the guy is taken out of the everyday lineup. The guy is worthless. Today’s stat is his batting line so far this year: .216/.293/.243. He is down to hitting 8th now, but I won’t be happy until he’s out of the lineup.

Bill James must lament some of the idiots who have decided they’re scientists due to misinterpretation of his work. All these girls do is cry about sample size and yet they come to grand conclusions after two weeks in April. Morons. This is why we can’t have the south and rural populations deciding our national elections.

They’re like girls who watch soap operas and have favorites. It’s all bias and personal preference with absolutely no understanding of how a team wins or loses.

* * *

The Cubs look good so far, but the rotation is of great concern. Z looks great and so has Dempster. But boy, we need more from Lilly and Hill than we’re getting. Marquis, I’ve consistently liked as a fifth starter. Pretty soon, Lieber should be in the rotation, but not at Marquis’ expense.

I like our pen. The D will tighten up. It’s a fun team to cheer for thus far. Fukudome, Soto, and DLee’s return to power have had an enormous impact.

And hey, how about that Reed Johnson? A tip of the cap.

Wood To Close, Marquis Fifth Starter, & Soriano Hits Second

I don’t mind the first two. Woody should be closing. He’s more electric than Howry and Marmol’s better as a fire extinguisher when needed.

Plus, I wrote last year that Marmol’s got a future on the DL because of all the innings and the torque on his slider. Sliders like that tend to last one season tops. Just look at our own Kerry Wood and Francisco Liriano with the Twins. I’ll be interested to see how the latter does this season. I hope Marmol’s okay, but I’m not counting on it.

* * *

Having Marquis go fifth and sticking Lieber in the pen makes sense. Marquis is always healthy and starts hot in the cold weather. He should play for the Giants where it’s cold for much of the season in Pac Bell at night. (Anywhere else where games are generally colder than other places?)

The good thing about this move is… Lieber’s mature and patient enough to handle going to the pen. Plus, he knows there’s an excellent shot that he’ll be in the rotation soon enough. Dempster may not make it as a starter and Marquis loses it when the warm weather arrives. Also, injury can occur with anyone in the rotation.

* * *

Finally, I’m dismayed to see Soriano slated to bat second. He does just about nothing a 2 hole hitter does: bunt, hit to the right side, hit and run, etc. He’s better off either hitting third with DLee fifth, or batting fifth with Fukudome batting second. Fukudome’s perfect for the 2 hole. He’s got great bat control and a high obp.

I have a theory on why Soriano’s hitting second. I’m thinking that Lou decided to have Theriot leadoff. He probably brought Soriano in to talk about it. I’m guessing that Soriano agreed to it, but expressed a wish to continue hitting in the first inning. This left Lou with two options: either move Soriano to the two spot or mess with DLee’s confidence by moving him to the five. So, Lou chose the former and probably advised Soriano to tell the media that he’ll hit wherever Lou wants him. Once again, we have no lefties in our first four. It’s ridiculous.

Yes, this is all conjecture, but I imagine something like this led us to where we are. Hey, I was right about the Kendall deal, right?

Thank God Duke Lost

The NCAA Tournament is one of the greatest events in all of sports. I love it every single year. I never have a favorite team or anyone I’m pulling for specifically. To the contrary, I care only for one thing… that Duke loses.

That school got biased officiating in its favor for so many years it was absurd. One of the most unfair games I’ve ever seen in my life was when Duke supposedly knocked off the undefeated UNLV team. It was worse than the infamous USSR vs. US basketball game. It was a joke as the refs may as well have handed Duke the victory before the game even started. If a UNLV defender was within four feet of a Duke player, the whistle blew.

This garbage went on for years. ESPN analyst Doug Gottlieb was once quoted as saying something to the effect of, “Everyone gets calls at home. Only Duke gets them on the road.” A friend of mine never believed me about the Duke BS until he sat behind Steve Lavin at a Giants game at Pac Bell Park prior to the 2001 NCAA championship game. Someone asked Lavin who was going to win the Duke/Arizona game. He replied, “Well, Arizona’s better, but the refs and the NCAA will make sure Duke wins.”

What’s been great the last few years is… Duke’s no longer getting such biased officiating. I mean, they’re still getting it, in that if you look at any box score they play, you just about always find more fouls called on the other team than on Duke. It’s ridiculous. But, at least now, they’re not handing the entire games to them.

They’ve been knocked off in the round of 16 many times the last 8-9 years or so. Last year, they were upset in the first round by VCU. Today, they were soundly defeated by West Virginia and the Jerry Tarkanian-like Bob Huggins. (Yes, the UNLV reference was on purpose.) They were almost upset in the first round against Belmont.

Once Duke gets knocked off, I really enjoy the tournament. With their Karma, I’ll continue to feel this way for at least another 10 years.